Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ttyl tear gas
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
