Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
