You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
