I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
