nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
