just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
