She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
