I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
