i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
