If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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