I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
