Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
