Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
