Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
