i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
