I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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