Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
