That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
