We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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