Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
