you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
