Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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