The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
