When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
