Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
