U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Umm I'm too high to move.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
