"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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