hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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