Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
