even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
