i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
