kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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