Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
