was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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