when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
