He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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