I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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