At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
