i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
