I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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