Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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