I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
