Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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