Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
birth control should be required to get into college
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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