Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
