Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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