Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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