Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
