do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
