i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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