she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
