I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize