I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
