I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
