curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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