Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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