My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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