I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
