The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
