just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
