The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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