dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
