his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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