Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
