Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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