if i can run in heels then i can drive
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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