He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
