What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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