The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
