I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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