How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
