Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
