I met the friendliest cop last night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
