Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
