Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
