i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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