careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
