trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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