A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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