I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
