well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
