In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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