i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
