Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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