2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
