Your mouth is God's brothel.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
