why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
