No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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